Step One: Write songs with titles like “Coachman, Ride On,” “Hereditary Insanity,” and “Come Hither, Fair Youth.”

Step Two: Put them on an album called Revenge for Imaginary Slights.

Step Three: Dress like this.

Easy peasy.

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Mrs. Wiggins knows the score

“And I guess I’d better work a little harder at correcting my faults. What would you say was my worst one?” The cow shook her head. “Let’s stay friends, and you figure that out for yourself.” ― Walter R. Brooks, Freddy Plays Football

Well, that explains it

“I consider myself the single honest man in a world of rogues and blackguards, present company excepted. In these conditions it is hard to accumulate wealth.” ― Jack Vance, Cugel’s Saga